I’ve been trying to write. For more than a month I have started and stopped, and stopped altogether. It has been a gradual slowing down or drying up for almost a year.
We prepped for Christmas, celebrated Advent and rang in a brand new year. And all the while I was wondering if it was finished, this season of writing here in this place. I know its like that sometimes. We have seasons in our lives that hold us tight in good and beautiful things and then release us into something else. We pass through seasons like the coming and going of tides, and our good God, the one who set all of this in motion, He knows the best timing for all of it.
It was all I could do some days not to go to my keyboard, but it wasn’t so much a couldn’t, as a quiet voice that whispered “wait.” On Christmas eve I sat through, no, cried through the service. In my head I was writing all the words that sprang from deep gratitude for Emmanuel, the God who came. Beautiful words that never made it to a page, because they weren’t supposed to. We attended parties and celebrations and when asked about my writing I did alot of smiling and nodding and wondered what would happen if I just blurted out “I’ve been barely writing for the past year because God has been saying wait, and until he says go or stop altogether I’m waiting.” Instead I said “It’s good” because in truth, it is. Being where we need to be, listening for His heart, is always good.
When the calendar page announced a new month, a new year, I thought I should probably write my annual post about beginnings and starting fresh. I was contemplating new things, I had a plan. But in between my newly scheduled day book lines, in ink that only He can provide, was written the word “wait.” And so I did. And while it felt uncomfortable, there was something deep down that resonated with the waiting, it was right.
School started back late this year, and we enjoyed a week of family time together. I came and stood at my desk, this amazing space made for me by the best husband, many times. I ran my fingers over the keys and wondered what was ahead.
And then there was that little word. The word I dismissed, because who would believe it could be whispered into my heart as a word for the year? But it kept washing over me like waves on a soft sand beach, rhythmic and insistent.
Be? Be what?
Be you. Who you were created to be.
I didn’t have to look too far back in the year to see the places I had given up being me in favour of someone’s approval or idea of what they might think of me.
It had crept in again slowly, little lies clouding the truth of my identity, who I am in Christ.
As recognition dawned, I still had to ask again,
There are alot of things hitched-up to that little word!
Be-Kind, Be-joyful, Be-not afraid, Be-strong, Be-bold, Be-thankful, Be-still, Be-reconciled, Be-free, Be-patient…
So I’m setting out into this new year armed with a lengthy list of Be’s. Not a to-do list, or a check list. A litany of hope, a stream of things possible. Encouragements, commands, truth. All the things that result from living in the knowledge and experience of who I am in Christ and who He created me to be. A year of wading in and well, being.
Part of being me is writing. It’s my voice, my heart, and it needs to flow out of being. The wait is over. He says come. So, I’m following the one I love, and who loves me more than I understand and I am ready to be swept into whatever that looks like. I am longing to just BE. While I splash around this year, I will be here, writing out my heart and thoughts. I hope you’ll join me. Not just here in this place, but in the amazing ocean of his unending love.