The snow is back again. Not a lot, just a dusting in the night that sort of covers the lawn. We’ve just come through a January thaw, where the temperature soared, all the snow melted, and for a few days… it felt like Spring. Those of us who aren’t fond of the cold were wishing it could really be the beginning of a new season!
That’s the way it’s been in our lives as well. The effects of chemotherapy have slowly melted away since my last treatment in December. I feel more like myself. I’ve been cooking some, and enjoying the strength that is slowly returning. Some days I feel almost… normal and I wish it would stay. We’re not fond of all this sickness and we’d love for a new season to begin. It is just a bit of a respite though. On Tuesday, the season will resume with surgery. It will be a right-side, modified, radical mastectomy.
I’ve processed this up, down, and sideways. I’ve sat with the God of the universe and we’ve talked long and sat silent. I realized at some point that to fully process some things you need to go through them… so I’m ready to just do it. I wish this wasn’t part of my story, but it is. I can’t change these pages any more than I can stop the snow falling silent on the lawn, or suddenly switch seasons from Winter to Spring. The thing about empty hands, having let go of trying to control, is we are free to fully embrace the One who holds all things… including us.
And He is;
We’re putting one foot in front of the other into the remainder of the season. Our days are a crazy, messy mix of laughter, tears, peace, frustration and wild Grace! We’re trying to measure them not by the season, what we have, don’t have or by the crazy that often swirls around us, but by how much we’re loved.
It changes things.
In that love, there is no fear. There is acceptance, belonging, freedom and rest. In that love there are more reasons than we can count for thanksgiving and grateful praise!
Thank-you for your prayers, emails and kind words. They have encouraged us, lifted us us up and continue to cover us. We so appreciate you standing with us!