What Silence Means…

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There was no moon on Thursday evening. Thick clouds covered the sky and the wind-shield wipers were keeping time with the October wind howling outside our van. We weren’t on any great mission, just grocery shopping, but  I have come to appreciate the days of normal errands in the midst of this crazy time.

It was quiet. The best husband had one  hand on the  steering wheel, the other hand holding mine. It was a good, peaceful silence, the kind that has moved from awkward to comfortable over the space of twenty-five years. Sometimes, we don’t need to fill the moment with anything other than our being together, it’s a warm, satisfying silence.

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When the groceries had all been put away, I listened to that howling wind from the depths of my duvet.  It was the thought  of silence that I couldn’t get away from…

It’s been quiet here lately, in my heart, my  spirit. I have moved from months of  constant dialogue with the God of the universe, to silence. There are those times when scripture seems to be given daily, when words of affirmation, guidance and truth are loud and you know what to do, where to go. Chatting with the God of the universe, listening to his response is like  breathing.

And then suddenly it’s quiet.  Too quiet. It seems to me that when we’re in these trenches, when the fighting is the most difficult, that’s not the time for silence! The clouds  have settled  thick in the sky, howling winds beat against the door and eventually we end up staring at the sky, screaming into the wind…

Where are  you?

And I think this is where I’ve gone wrong.

This silence,  this trench, this time, is not a punishment. It is not a test see how well I can do on my own.

Because we were not created to do any of it on our own. 

Everything is by Him, and through Him, and to Him, and in Him!

 Jesus does not get up and leave. Instead of lifting my head to scream at a darkened sky… I turn my head and

He. is. there.

Beside me. Emmanuel, God with us.

 Always.

He is sitting in this trench, his back against the rough stone wall, knees pulled up to his chest, just like you and I. His outstretched, nail pierced hand is waiting for ours.

There is a time to sit, holding His hand, in silence.

The floor of the trench is thick with the mud of unanswered questions, rough-hewn walls smeared with salt water smudges, and He’s OK with that. He knows all of  it. His presence is enough. It’s time to move from awkward, to comfortable silence. Content to be together, the way we were created.  One hand holds His, in the other I hold the words and promises He’s given and I don’t let go.

And your trench?  The word etched in your stone walls may not be illness. It may be grief, loss, or pain.  Your hands my be raw as well from carving the words overwhelmed,  undone, broken.  There may be little footprints covering the floor, and no more room for one more toy, one more tear,one more sticky hand print. Bare trenches, empty of children grown or small, echo in hearts and on the wind.

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Every trench has a Grace gate… can we  walk through it? Reminding each other;

 Silence does not mean we are alone. There is nothing, ever that we need to do on our own.

He has not left, He never will. In that promise, in His presence… there is joy.  Instead of  screaming at the sky… let’s turn our heads and take His hand.

Blessings on your day,

{Update… I am halfway through this part of my treatment! I am so thankful for your prayers & for minimal side effects!  Thank you for walking with me!}
 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Love this!! Reminds me of a post I wrote: http://reneweddaily.com/silence-golden/
    I will be following your blog now, and am so glad to have found it!! God Bless! <3

  2. Katherine- beautiful, heartwrenching post…I just read today that it is in the silences that God is drawing us closer…interesting…praying for you as you sit comfortably, silently in His presence…we are not alone!

  3. Dear Katharine
    Yes, I know what you are talking about. I suffer from Fm/ME and cannot live one day without holding Jesus’ Hand. But we know that nothing can ever separate us from our Pappa’s love as we abide in our Lord Jesus and whatever He allows in our lives is never more than the grace He gives so abundantly!
    Blessings XX
    Mia

  4. Sending love in your quiet moments, Katherine.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

  5. Janis@Heart-Filled Moments says:

    Your words touched me: “Because we were not created to do any of it on our own. Everything is by Him, and through HIm, and to Him, and in Him!” A lot to meditate on and then to turn and find Him there. Some deep silence.

  6. “There is nothing, ever that we need to do on our own.” If only those words were etched into the heart of ever believer.

  7. Katherine, this beautiful moving post brought tears to my eyes. How well I know the silence of waitng on God. I love how you describe the companionable, comfortable silence between husband and wife and how this is very much how God wants us to relate to Him in love and trust. I am in the trench of M.E and allied chronic illness and it can feel pretty dark and lonely there sometimes.
    But not only does God pull us out of any pit we may be in, He also provides support and encouragement while we are still in it. I cannot single out a specific phrase from your lovely words. All have blessed and touched me deeply. Thank you! I’m so glad you were linked up next to me at #TellHisStory May we never stop telling of His goodness and His love. Blessings :) x

  8. Katharine,
    Sorry I didn’t get a chance to comment on your Oct. post when you wrote about losing your hair….So glad your hubby and God are holding your hand and that you can sense His presence….Praying God continues to minimize the side effects and wrap His arms of love tight around you….sending hugs your way.

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